March --Women's History Month

March is not just about brackets and hoops and madness.  Yes, I am caught up in that.  Go Hoosiers.  But all that aside, it is also Women's History month.  How better to celebrate than with an historical and feminist novel about a very strong woman struggling against oppresion and slavery?

So, very simple, to win an autographed copy of FIREBRAND or RECRUIT (winner's choice): 

Leave a comment here about women in history.  It could be someone from your personal history or a historic figure who you admire.  Leave a woman's name and why she's important to you.

On March 31, I'll draw a name from the entries and announce the winner.

Good luck!

FIREBRAND's 10th Anniversary Celebration

October 2012 sees the tenth anniversary of FIREBRAND's publication! My, how time has flown.  Lots has happened in the course of those ten years.  My granddaughter was about six months old then and she and I were the first people to see the wonderful cover art Trace Edward Zaber did for the book.  I cried, she grapped for the computer screen.  Then came the agonizing wait for the book to actually come out in October. 

Everything was worth it though.  Firebrand was in the top ten best sellers at Amber Quill Press for it's first year in print.  It earned nominations for the EPPIE and the Dream Realm Award, plus many stellar reviews.

Not long after it came out, my husband and I moved from South Dakota, returning to our native Indiana.  Sadly, I had to leave behind my beloved Black Hills Writers Group.  All the friends who had read and critiqued and made FIREBRAND the book that it is.  They are the best of friends.  I will always be grateful for all their love and support.  But even harder for me was having to leave the most awesome job in the universe: working for Lori Spiers at Everybody's Bookstore in Rapid City, SD.  I could write a whole blog post just on that, but I would start crying, so it would take a long time to do! 

After settling back into Hoosier land, I found the Indy Writer's Group.  Kate Chaplin, the founder of the Indy Writer, is an independent film maker.  She GETS Lin.  There has been talk about FIREBRAND the movie.  I have samples of the script in progress posted here.

2007 saw the release of book two of my House of Pendragon series--The Recruit.  It has earned several awards and loads of fabulous reviews, too.

The granddaughter who was 6 months old when FIREBRAND was published will be 10 herself in a few weeks,  She now has a four year old brother!  They are, of course, awesome!

And that brings us to today.  It has been ten years.  The time has flown by.  It may not be a huge seller, but I am glad I went with Amber Quill Press because I doubt it would still be in print for me to be celebrating. 

The Arthur ap Morfudd episodes

I hope everyone has been enjoying the episodes of Arthur ap Morfudd at the Once Upon a Time collective story. I'm due to get another episode by Sunday and I'm not sure which way to go. I know I need to get young Arthur to London by the end of the episode. But I'm torn. Do I get him to London for an auction, and possibly another character in the collective buying him? Or: have him and his friend Sian escape, and make their way to London on their own.

I got the new Rush studio album today, and they aren't helping me creatively. I am usually inspired by new Rush music.

Leave a comment on what you prefer!

Love and thanks as always for reading,
Debra

FIREBRAND: The Movie another sample

I haven't done anymore work on FIREBRAND: the Movie lately. Reached a point that requires condensing and composite sort of work. Much of Lin's interior thoughts will need to get adapted into dialogue with Dafydd. Some of it can be cut or moved. So, I'm doing the mental work with that right now.

Since the last sample seemed to be a hit, I thought I would post more. This scene isn't in the book at all, but it explains a lot that gets told to Lin towards the end of the book. I coudn't write it into the book because of the 1st person point of view, but the movie will make more sense with it shown.

So here's another scen from FIREBRAND. Enjoy!

Int. Bedchamber - Camelot - day

A royal bedchamber, richly appointed. Large bed, piled with pillows and heavy furs. Tapestries on walls. Chests for clothes. Braziers for warmth and light. Chairs. Side table. On the floor near the bed is a cradle, draped with cloth. A WOMAN, early 20's with auburn hair, in a simple gown kneels over the cradle. Grief stains her face.

A door opens. A MAN, 25 with spun gold hair and clear blue eyes, enters. He wears 5th century period armor. Leather boots, ring mail and a deep red cloak draped over his shoulders. He watches the woman briefly.

Arthur

Gwenhwyfar? My son?

The woman turns to face Arthur, her hand still on the cradle.

Gwenhwyfar

She is dead, Arthur. We had a daughter, not a son. And she died in her cradle. I just got the message from Morgause a few days ago.

ARTHUR

Morgause? What does my sister have to do with our daughter?

GWENHWYFAR

She came to Camelot while you were gone. She got here just as my labor began. Arthur, she was so helpful. She took charge of the birthing.

(pause)

She was so wise, and very kind to me. She thought you might be angry to have a daughter rather than a son. And I see she may have been right about you after all.

Arthur stares at his wife. Then at the empty cradle.

ARTHUR

Angry? Did you really believe I would be angry to have a daughter?

Gwenhwyfar nods.

ARTHUR

And you sent her to Dunn na Carraice with Morgause?

GWENHWYFAR

To keep her safe until . . . Until you wanted her.

Arthur crosses the room and kneels beside Gwenhwyfar next to the cradle.

ARTHUR

What did you name her?

GWENHWYFAR

Helin.

ARTHUR

My love. I would have fought the hounds of hell for our little girl.


CRAWL: 5 years later

Firebrand: The Movie: a sample

Chapter 8 of Firebrand, condensed to screenplay format. Any critiques?

*****
Lin is alone, lying on the stone floor.

LIN 12

(whispers)

I'm sorry, Dafydd. Please come back. Don't leave me alone.

The door to the hut opens and closes. Muffled footsteps are heard crossing the room.

MODRED 17

So. Your precious brother has left you to suffer alone. About time the lazy idler returned to his duties. I should have him at the post too, for wasting so much time.

(pause)

How dare you look at me? have you no manners? Do you not know who i am?

He jabs Lin in the side with the toe of his boot.

LIN 12

I know you, prince.

MODRED 17

Why do you not address me properly? Are you not afraid of me?

LIN 12

Should I be?

MODRED 17

I am your master. I can have you beaten for your insolence. I can have you flogged simply because i desire to see you bleed.

LIN 12

Am I so special, that a prince desires to see my blood?

MODRED 17

Silence.

(pause)

You gave quite a show today. Much better than I expected.

He paces around Lin, still half-lying on the floor. He stops when he comes full circle. He stoops and hooks his fingers around Lin'd collar. He lifts her up, holding her a little off the floor briefly. Lin struggles to keep her torn gown on her shoulders.

Modred chuckles.

MODRED 17

You are mine now, did you know? Mother gave you to me as a gift. Just this morning.

Lin glares at him.

MODRED 17

You're still to proud.

Modred strikes Lin across her cheek.

MODRED 17

The overseer did not beat you hard enough today. I should have handled the whip myself. nest time, I think I shall. It's the only thing slaves understand. You're too stupid for anything else.

(pause)

I can do whatever I like with you now. Do you realize that?

Lin doesn't answer.

MODRED 17

Answer me.

(pause)

Answer me, cumal.

LIN 12

(through clenched teeth)

Yes.

Modred hits her face again.

MODRED 17

Yes, what?

LIN 12

Yes, prince.

MODRED 17

Still so very proud. No matter. i shall break you of that soon enough. You shall learn to address me properly.

(pause)

I wanted your dear brother as well, you know.

LIN 12

Leave Dafydd alone.

MODRED 17

I can do as I please with him. And you. Never forget that. The next time you dare command me, i might not be as easily amused.

(pause)

Put your arms down.

She struggles to keep the torn gown up.

He gives her collar a twist.

MODRED 17

Are you deaf as well as stupid? I gave an order, slave.

Lin lowers her arms. Modred, still holding her by the collar, jerks her garment down.

MODRED 17

I can do whatever I please with you. I think I'll use you as my whore. Now.

He shoves her to the stone floor, and kneels over her. Lin struggles beneath him, looking for a weapon. The sheath for the prince's meatknife is empty. She uses the only weapon she has, her hands. She rakes her nails down Modred's cheek.

He recoils, and Lin is able to wriggle free. She creeps backward, but before she can get far, Modred grabs her ankle and pulls her towards him. He locks both of her wrists with one of his and flips her over. He sits on her and uses her gown to tie her hands. He flips her onto her back again and shoves a cloth into her mouth.

MODRED 17

Lest you get the notion to bite.

(pause)

Much better. Shall we start again?

He unties the laces of his trews and thrusts himself between her legs. He finishes. There is blood streaked on her legs and on him.

MODRED 17

You were still virgin. n How absolutely delicious.

(pause)

Well, now you're a whore, just like your mother. I could sell you this very moment.

He tucks his tunic back into his trews and relaces them.

MODRED 17

But I won't. Not yet, anyway, because I want the pleasure of seeing your pride finally broken to be mine. Be assured, I will do it, and Iwill enjoy it. i want your brother to be there when you call me "master". For that, slave, I am. You will not have a moment to forget it.

He jerks the cloth out of her mouth. She gasps for air. He walks from the hut, wiping his hands on his trews.

LIN 12

(whispers hoarsely)

Bastard.

She struggles out of her bonds and cleans herself up as best as she can before falling into exhausted sleep.

fade out:

Writing FIREBRAND: Year One

There wasn't a single entry in the 1992 journal for March. Now I'm curious as to what I actually did in that time period. Seems like, if we don't write it down it's forgotten and like it never happened at all. I no doubt bundled up in my winter clothes and parka and boots and all and tucked the cassette walkman in my coat pocket and took long walks, like to the frozen lake. One of my favourite winter spots to walk to: the lake on K I Sawyer. I'd trudge across the frozen snow covered park and climb up the life guard's chair and sit, listening to my music and listening to what Lin might have been saying to Dafydd, or whoever. Then I'd go back home and warm up and wait for the kids to get home from school. Often Bill would come home from work early and then Lin would shut up, like she was guarding a secret from Bill. I was still learning to fit into my new role as a writer.

Birthdays and memories and perseverance

Today is my birthday and instead of me writing a blog I want you to read my friend Kate's blog today. She made me cry with her beautiful tribute not just to me but to Lin and Firebrand and the Pendragon series.

My best birthday present!

Discussion Question for Firebrand #1

1) Authors are often asked: do you have a favorite character? For me
it's: Dafydd or Lin? (and I admit a partiality to Dafydd.) I'd like to propose a variant of that for my readers. Which character do you admire more: Lin or Dafydd or another in Firebrand, or even Recruit? Why? Which do you relate to more closely?

Writing FIREBRAND Year One

K I Sawyer AFB, MI
Marquette, MI
February 17, 1992

Chapter one is complete as a first draft. What a feeling. I'm on cloud nine. Can't wait for Bill's opinion. Chapter two is starting to take shape now, starting to make a bit more sense I think. Still not sure exactly what direction it's going to go. We'll see. I do envision a reunion with Lin and Guinevere with the children. Should be interesting. And Lin teaching young Arthur (Bear) her tricks with a sword. We'll see. I've never been so confident about anything I've ever done before. This is great. Lin's been quite helpful.

****

It would seem it took about a month to draft that first chapter. And it really didn't change too drastically after that. It was expanded and tightened, but it's still about Lin and her inner conflict in the hours after the devasating battle of Camlann. That first page or so has never changed.

Chapter 1

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I had no idea what hour it was. The sun had set a lifetime ago and thick clouds obscured any moonlight. Battle weary and with heavy hearts, we picked our way from the river in the dark, our joyless task compleated. My four companions formed an escort around me. They knew what I thought of protocol, but I fell in step with the men simply because I was of no heart to argue. The only sounds were the lapping water behind us and our boots crunching the earth.

Odd, such stillness after the mayhem of battle.

When we reached the supply wagons and cooking fires, Dafydd hurried ahead without a word and disappeared into the crowd of soldiers and servants awaiting our return. I noticed immediately that an unnatural hush hung over the entire encampment, like a pall. I saw none of the usual camaraderie or back-slapping, heard none of the light-hearted banter normally present after victory. But my father's men were a special breed, cut from finer fabric. To a man, they snapped smartly to the instant I appeared. I acknowledged their salute with an "at ease" and hurried on my way.

Camlann a victory? Camlann was nothing short of internecine. Not Britanni against Saxon this time. We had all been part of the same army mere months ago. Yet this morning we had faced each other in the twilight mist, astride our battle steeds, in full armour, lances couched, anxious for the signals to be given, the battle cries to be sung, and have at each other. Men who had once been friends met as mortal enemies and slaughtered everything that moved in their paths. Who are the victors in civil strife?

Wfft. What had made us so bloodthirsty?

I saw a different question in the eyes of the men through the smoky firelight as we swept past; the man they had expected to see, the one their eyes sought, the one they had waited for, was not among us. We had lost our king as well as the Round Table. Modred, my half-brother, had driven a pike through Britain's heart. And as my father's heir, the duty fell on me to tell them. But not now. Instead, I announced to my companions that I would meet with everyone for reports after I had changed.

Bedwyr barked out orders and the place seemed to come back to life. Of a sort. I trusted him and the others to know what must be done, and do it, as my father had. He would have addressed the men first most likely, but my father was the Pendragon, and I never would come close to being his equal.

I was not the least surprised to see Dafydd lighting the last of my lanterns when I lifted my tent's flap a moment later. He even had water ready so I could wash.

He offered to undo the laces of my armour, but I declined.

"At least let me help you with this." Dafydd grasped the shield still hanging from my shoulder.

Why had I bothered to retrieve it?

I accepted his assistance without a word.

Dafydd regarded me. Impossible to hide my emotions from him. He knew my heart was shattered. I knew he wanted to offer comfort. But if I allowed myself his embrace now, I would crumble.

"Later, Dafydd," I said.

"You do not bear this alone, Noble One."

"I know. Thank you."

****
Thanks for reading,
Debra

Writing FIREBRAND Year One

K I Sawyer AFB, MI
(Marquette, MI)
February 5, 1992

Well, Gareth has made his intro in a grand way yesterday. From out of no where, he stepped into a scene with Lin. So now I have Lin, Gareth, Gaheris (Ris), Bedivere, and Dafydd for sure. Gwen is still silent. Also still silent: Arthur, Lancelot, Merlin, Modred . . . The list of characters is endless!

But today? It's quiet in Camelot. I'm procrastinating. I have to re-write chapter one again and don't want to. It's a lovely, sunny day. I think I'll go into town awhile. Then I'll work on the re-write.

****

I remember that scene of Gareth and Lin talking. It never made it into FIREBRAND, of course because the book wound up taking a different course; focusing on Lin's years of slavery in Orkney. At this point in the brainstorming, I was still thinking that the slavery years would get glossed over. That in the course of the character relating her life story, she'd mention the slavery and then move on to meeting her dad and getting to Camelot. I still had a long way to go. And the scene didn't make it into RECRUIT either, but it led to something I did eventually use in RECRUIT only without Gareth. If you've read RECRUIT, it's the scene right after she's broken Cerdic's nose and she's sweeping out the stable as her punishment for fighting in the ranks and her dad shows up. Originally it was Gareth first and then dad. I decided that we didn't need both and dad was more important. But Gareth got the scene going for me, so thumbs up to him.

My list of characters is also interesting. People who have read FIREBRAND and RECRUIT will notice that there is no sign of Merlin! And there will be none in the rest of the series.

And as for putting off the re-write? I was still doing it long-hand at the time. On loose leaf paper, with fountain pen. And there were about 35 of those pieces of paper that I would have to re-copy like a medieval monk in a scriptorium.

Thanks for reading,
Debra

Not dated journal entry for today, but . . .

there's this undated page of some brainstorming I did and it's between the entries for Feb. 1 & 4.

Hmm... Here's a peek at my musing. And a comparison with what evolved from it.

From 1992
K I Sawyer, MI

Britain was not ready for the chaos which was about to descend upon us at the loss of King Arthur. Without the strength and support of the Round Table knights, my claim was hopeless. I could give it a try. Rally those men out there to my side? Could I? Would they? Wfft! They were Arthur's men, not mine. Not his daughter's.

Dad and I talked late into the night last night on just this possibility. I did not want to accept that this could happen.

****

Here's what ended up in the published edition of "FIREBRAND"

Ballocks. Why can Bedwyr not address the men? He would know what to say. True. But what made me believe that his pain and grief were any less than mine? Addressing the soldiers was my duty now. I could no more walk away from it without so much as a by-your-leave than I could bring my father back. They had a right to expect my father's heir, not the weakling I had become, too much the coward to face them. Yet I had no idea what I should say. That Arthur, the Pendragon, was gone? Unthinkable. Once the Saxons caught wind of the day's disaster, they would be on us like a pack of starving wolves on an unsuspecting doe. And if not the Saxons, then all our fickle allies would descend like carrion crows, with Camelot as the feast.

If my father could not depend on the aid of his fellow countrymen as the Pendragon, what chance in Annwn did I have?

Between the Saxons and Britain's own people, Camelot would be torn to shreds. And it would take far more than the meagre remnants of the Round Table and my father's army to prevent such calamity. What could I possibly hope to achieve in my father's wake?

Thanks for reading!
Debra

Writing FIREBRAND Year One

There's a winter storm coming through Indiana the next few days--much gloom and doom predictions. I usually laugh at the "snowmagegdon" scenarios of a few inches of snow. But we may have major ice over the next few days. Hope not, but best to not laugh that off. Want to get this posted now, since it is February 1. And the UP did have some intense winters.

K I Sawyer AFB, MI
(Marquette, MI)
February 1, 1992

Well, imagine that. I did have the right idea from the very start. Lin telling the story to her son. And this was back when I was in high school I did that "prologue" bit of fiction with a dying "Lin" (not Lin then though" telling the story to her son. It was for an independent study course in English my senior year. Got an A if I recall. :) It all seems to work in mysterious ways. Why did I ever doubt?

Got a dose of reality today--watched "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" I needed that. Had been taking things far too seriously.

Can't seem to get any writing done today.

Wow, two years ago this month on the 11th I was getting my first taste of Britain. Can't call it England anymore. Just isn't right. Sigh.

Gads! These time lines (in Firebrand) are going to kill me. Seeing where everyone is in relation to the others and events.

Bill is tired of hearing this. He very nearly said so last night on the phone. I won't trouble him for a while, I guess. It isn't easy to turn off the brainstorming though. Not like and ordinary job that you can leave at the office.

*****

Bill, (hubbie) was in California at that time. The USAF had sent him there for his surgical tech training. Yes, there he was in California and I was in the dead of winter in the UP. Watch for the next entry about SNOW!!

Go Bears!

Just saying. Besides, there's nothing in the 1992 journal to share today. Lin talked to me a little yesterday. Wrote a few pages for book #3 in the House of Pendragon series--The Shield-bearer. She just called her dad a liar and a fraud. In the Round Table Hall. In front of all the knights. And she has walked out. (After being a knight for less than a whole day.) Now she's realizing what she's done. Do I send her to the tavern to drown her sorrows in ale? Or do I send her to her room to pack, intending to leave Camelot?

What would Lin do?

Writing FIREBRAND Year One

Settled on the brown ink for this one.

K I Sawyer AFB, MI
(Marquette, MI)
January 18, 1992

It is after 1 am and I'm still wide awake. Nothing new to write. Had a small bit for the story "Visions of Avalon", continuing with events happening the day after. Introduced two new characters. Who are they? They will be interesting to get to know. Tighan and Elen. Plus mentioned two others. Lots to do. People to meet and learn about. Become friends with. And me as shy as I am!

Nowhere near being tired. Maybe I'll watch Arthur's soliloquy in "CAMELOT". Good idea!

****

Fun, both Tighan and Elen wound up in FIREBRAND. Elen as Dafydd's mother and Tighan as a slave. Lin and Dafydd meet her in the slave's camp after being transported from Orkney to Britain's mainland. Dafydd and Tighan become instant friends. Lin, as usual, isn't so sure. She resists making friends with anyone because she's afraid she will lose that friend because of their slavery.

Writing FIREBRAND Year One

K I Sawyer AFB, MI
(Marquette, MI)
January 13, 1992

What an incredible feeling--to have this magnificent story, exploding from somewhere deep within you. The words bursting out from your soul, through the pen and onto the page.

****

Wow! What eles can be said? I guess I was pretty happy. Now? I'm just frustrated with Lin. I've been stuck for chapter 14 in book three for quite awhile now. Where are the words now?

Writing FIREBRAND Year One

Today was a very short post back in '92. The struggle for the title of the book. I knew the theme would involve Arthur's children: daughter Lin and the more famous Modred. I was still also thinking of the broader story of Arthur. I still had a lot of brainstorming to do. Looking back, the title was the least of my worries at the time. But I was much younger and . . .

K I Sawyer AFB, MI
(Marquette, MI)
January 12, 1992

Leave it to divine intervention and the solution presents itself. New title: Daughter of Britain. How could it be anything less? Thanks, Lin.

end of entry

***

Ah, I used "Lin" here. That's a good sign. This was also when I was thinking it would be only one volume, that I could get the entire story in one book. Ha!! How naive of me. I think I was also influenced a little by Indiana Jones--well his father in the third movie: Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail. That's still one of my favorite movies. LOL!

Writing FIREBRAND Year One

I wonder if it was snowing on this date back in 1992 when I wrote my journal entry. It is snowing here today in Noblesville and I'm glad I don't have to go outside. I do all my travelling here on the Internet!

I seem to be full of myself. Or does every writer get like this in the creating process? I certainly was riding high. And I remember the giddiness of those days. I didn't have an office then, or a computer, or even a typewriter. Back then, I wrote while sitting on the couch. I balanced a clipboard holding loose-leaf paper in my lap and wrote in longhand with a fountain pen. Maybe I need to go old school again!

K I Sawyer AFB, MI
(Marquette, MI)
January 11, 1992

A new day, full of new ideas and new words. What a bloody, great tale I have to tell, indeed! Where is all this coming from? Don't question, Deb. Accept the gift. For it can only be just that.

I realized today that the majority of modern novels pertaining to the Arthurian have been done by women. How odd.

I no longer want to call this "The King's Children". At least I don't think I don't think I do. But I don't know what else to call it. I'm sure that too will be there when the time comes. I doubt it not. Oh. I feel numb right now as Helin.

Indeed. Indeed.

I have run out of ideas for today. That's alright. Don't mind. Just as well. My arms certainly are sore, as if I had hefted a sword and shield myself all day. Ouch!

I read and re-read what I wrote this week and can't help but be amazed that it came from me.

(end of entry)
***
(back in 2010!)
I was still calling her Helin then? I thought I had made the switch a few weeks earlier. And I don't think I was impressed so much with the brilliance of the quality of the writing, but the creative process. I was feeling good about simply setting my ideas into words that made sense on the page. It seemed to me that I had a decent sense for character and dialogue and point of view. And I proved that right when I had the thing critiqued a few years later.

As always, thanks for reading!
Debra

Writing FIREBRAND Year One

Here I was in a very happy mood, I think. The words were flowing. But what I wrote in this period of time never made it to the final version of FIREBRAND. Today? No words from Lin or Dafydd. Or Gareth or Ris. Even Modred is quiet.

K I Sawyer AFB, MI
(Marquette, MI)
January 10, 1992

Time to reflect on this past week. What a difference a “year” makes. New Year’s resolutions sure can be powerful, even if you do not consciously make them.

My husband Bill suggested that I take my writing seriously, when I did the short story. Him--actually encouraging all along. Me--paying lip-service. “Yes, I really want to but . . . “ Same old excuse. I have just been afraid of it. Well, it’s beyond my control now. Some other force has taken over, given me the spark I needed. Feeling the despair of my characters, sharing a joke with them, my heart soaring with hope along with them, the joy of getting the words to mean exactly what I thought. There is no other feeling like it and I can’t imagine doing anything eles, ever. Nothing will ever measure up to this labor of love.

Somehow, from somewhere, words are flowing out of my pen, that I never realized were in me. I don’t know if anyone eles will think it is any good but I am truly amazed at what I have accomplished this week. And the ideas keep flooding in. Flooding in so fast I can can’t keep up with them!

Wow! Need to send 2 more installments to Bill. Can’t wait to hear his opinions. I never thought I would be able to share it with others so freely. I know, that’s the point! I guess I was reluctant before because everything I have written up to my short story have been false starts to Lin’s true story. I wasn’t happy with it and felt it unfit for human consumption.

I have finally grown up, I think. Maybe? Not! Had too much fun this week.

Thanks for reading!

The Official Start to The Firebrand--where it began

I recently went through a box, wanting to transfer the contents into plastic totes/tubs and move it from our bedroom. I knew what was in the box, so I wasn't surprised by what I found--several years' worth of my journals. On the top was one dated for 1992, what I found inside besides the journal pages is what surprised me, because I thought it had been lost: I found the page with the very first words I wrote leading to the version of FIREBRAND I have today. The words that officially got the novel started. They aren't in the book, but this is what got the brainstorming rolling for me.

I thought I would share. Apologies for the crude/bad writing, but I didn't fix anything.

Dated: 1-2-1992 (close to midnight)

"Your highness." Sir Gaheris swept past the guard around me. His voice was trembling. He knelt before me and repeated, "Your highness, Sir Bedivere sent me. Your father, the king . . ." his voice trailed off in a half-sob.

In my mind, I panicked. We were standing in the twilight after a full day's battle at the River Cam. A futile and senseless battle against my half-brother Modred. (In the margin, I added: Killing had never been easy for me. {Right! Our Lin?}) The carnage of the battle surrounded us. The sickening syench, hung heavy in the air. It clung to my skin, my hair, my clothes. I'll never be clean again, I remember thinking. I fought to keep my voice in control as i spoke. "What of my father, Gaheris?" BUt, I already knew what his reply would be.

"The king has been sorely wounded--Sir Bedivere (striken: has sent me to) bids you, please come. I shall take you to him." My father was dying. Why had I not been there to defend him?

*end*

Not my use of Bedivere. That eventually changed to Bedwyr. The river changed from the cam to the Thames. But it was Ris who got things started. He "spoke" the first words. I was in bed, unable to sleep and I "heard" and "saw" Ris. I immediately turned the light back on and scribbled those words. More came the next day, and the brainstorming began.

I'm thinking of posting some of those journal entries from that first year of writing. My struggles. My joys. My thoughts on creating Lin.